Letting go

It’s been awhile since I wrote. I guess I didn’t really need to tell you that. There’s a lot of little reasons why and, I think, one big one.

I have one post in me. One important thing to say, and I don’t really know how to put it into words.

I’m doing good.

That’s the thing.

But it’s a lot bigger than that. I feel like I’ve made it to the other side. I finally feel like myself again. Except for I don’t feel like myself at all. I feel changed.

I don’t know exactly when or how it happened. It didn’t happen overnight. But sometime over the last couple months I let go. I let go of a bit of shame I had been holding onto since Ruby was born.

A part of me is afraid to put that in writing. What if it isn’t really true? How can I be sure?

Of course I can’t be sure. But right now. I feel good.

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13 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. Good for you. I got to that point, too. And, you’re okay to be afraid. Everything about depression, etc. makes you feel like the second you’re okay, something else is going to pull you under. It’s okay. You will have highs and lows, always, but when you’re good, it’s okay to celebrate the good. I’m glad you’re in a good place. Everything gets better and better once you find that place.

    • Thanks Ashley. You’re right. I know there will be highs and, yes, more lows. But I think I’ve pulled myself out of that bottomless place. Glad to hear you reached that point too. You deserve to feel good.

  2. That’s awesome! I know it’s scary to actually be ok after so many months (years) of being not ok – and that fear may never actually go away – but you’ll be fine. Yay!

  3. So glad that you have made it to the other side. I knew you would. It’s normal to feel scared once depression has had its grip on you. I felt changed too like this whole experience made me the same and yet different. It refined me and made more in tune with my core self. Hope that makes sense! Sending you huge high fives!

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