Funk

It’s been nearly a week and I haven’t written. Here’s the thing. I’m in a funk. Which means I don’t write as much. Apparently. So I’m trying something new here. I’m going to write.

The embarrassing thing is I don’t have much to be in a funk about. My mom is visiting so I have plenty of help with the baby. And for around the house type things. And I’m not alone.

But I still feel lonely. I miss Jason. He’s worked 10 days out of the last 14. I know what you’re thinking. Doesn’t everyone work that much? Yes. But he works 12 hour days plus commute. You guys, he wakes up at 2:45 am when he works days and doesn’t get home until 5:00. Then it’s wrestle with the cranky baby for a couple hours.  By the time she’s in bed he has checked out. Mentally at first and then physically shortly thereafter. I don’t blame him. He’s exhausted. Did I mention he wakes up at 2:45 am??? But I still feel lonely.

And I feel unmotivated. I’m still running, but only because I have to. Every time I lace up my shoes I feel a little like, “Ugh, this again.”

And I feel irritated. At everyone. About everything.

And I feel bored. Like I’m just sitting around all day staring a baby. Like I wouldn’t know what else to do even if I figured out how to sneak away for more than 20 seconds at a time.

And I feel anxious. Because that’s how I roll! Rolling, spinning, churning, obsessing, whatever a little faster these days… No need to get into the funky particulars of my mess head.

And now I feel guilty for writing such a gloomy, poopy mess of a post. I feel sort of like this post is better suited for the DRAFT folder. But that Publish button keeps staring me down, and I kind of want to hit it just to stick it to that little voice telling me not to.

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23 thoughts on “Funk

  1. It is not better suited for the draft folder! It’s good to get this out there! If it doesn’t make you feel better, at least to document the funk. But I hope it does make you feel better 🙂

  2. I love it when bloggers write from the funk. We all go there. I totally do. It’s a great gift to me to hear your thoughts and struggles. I am so glad you shared this. I have been there, and I will be again.

    • Yeah, I wonder why I feel like I shouldn’t write about it. Because I love it when bloggers write from those places too. I always appreciate authenticity.

  3. I totally feel ya. And I don’t even know if that’s the wrong thing to say because you’re probably thinking, “no, you don’t know how this feels.” But I can tell you I’ve felt all those things. There are times when you’ll sit back and think, “This parenting thing sucks. Why did I want this?” And that’s ok. Yesterday I said to Jonathan, “I’m not ready for today.” And he said, “why? What’s today?” And I said, “nothing. But whatever it has to offer, I’m not ready.”
    I’m sorry that you miss your husband. That must be so tough. Have you guys tried to go on a date since your mom is there to watch Ruby? Even if Ruby cries at her the whole time, she’s the Grandma and she’ll still love her.
    I hope your funk passes quickly, but don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re a great mom!!

    • It was the right thing to say. I always appreciate your support, Kari. Really. We did get to go out on a date while my mom was here and it was AWESOME!!!

  4. I’m not a fan of the funk. But when it’s keeping me from blogging I always find that the best thing to do is just blog anyway, just to write SOMETHING. So good work!

    Also, I’ll work on figuring out a way to mail a cake. Pretty sure a fancy cake could break you out of your funk.

  5. Ahhhh! That’s such a hard place to be. I’ve been there sooooo many times. And then I feel guilty for not writing and that just adds to the whole thing. Yay you for getting it out there! Feels better already, right? 🙂

  6. From all of us who have been in the funk, thank you for hitting “publish” and letting us all know that others go there too. Thank you for such a real and truthful post – and I hope you dig yourself out soon!

  7. The funk is no fun. I feel like I have mini funks everyday, but I hate when they drag on. I am sorry Jason has been working so much, it makes it so hard. I wish I had something useful to say, I feel like I have a bit of my own funk lately, it is interesting how the first things to suffer for me are knitting and blogging, which of course are about the only things I do for myself!

  8. There’s nothing wrong with funks. They suck, but they are part of life.

    Everything you’re feeling is normal.

    Breathe. Namaste. Get through the next 5 minutes, then the 5 after that.

    • Great advice. I do always feel like I “should” feel better, or happier. But that only makes it worse, right? I need to work on just accepting it when it comes and riding it out.

  9. Ugh. The funk. It sounds like you and Jason are stuck in the grind and you’re getting ground-up. I’ve been in the funk lately, too, as can be noticed by my lack of writing. Like you, I have been irritated, annoyed, and unenthusiastic about a lot, and like you, I don’t really have a “tangible” reason for feeling this way. Unfortunately, what snaps us out of the funk differs with each person. But if I could play doctor and give you a prescription, it would be leave Ruby with your mom while you and Jason go on an overnight road trip to Bodega Bay. Stop by some breweries, enjoy the view, have some clam chowder. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Thanks again for checking in on me Amy. I can’t say enough thanks. How are you doing? Still feeling a little funky? Is there anything I can do to help? And I’m asking in a you could really say yes kind of way.

  10. Huge hugs sweetie. The grind does me in. I couldn’t figure out why I was so irritated lately. I took a peek at my vacation calendar for work, and I realized that I needed to take advantage of my vacation days. Looking at my updated calendar with some me time and time with my oldest made me smile. I hope you and your hubby get a chance to reconnect soon.

    • Fortunately, I have been able to get some hubby time. I think that really was a big casual factor because I’ve been feeling a lot better. So glad to hear you were able to utilize some vacation time and get a break from the grind. It’s so important. Hugs to you too!

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