It has been so long since I wrote. If I had a nickel for every time I started a post with THAT sentence…
You know how sometimes there just isn’t enough time to cover all the stuff over lunch with your officemate? I mean the gossipy stuff, of course. Nothing work related. But you get together with an old, dear friend for dinner and there’s nothing to say? Because there’s too much to say.
That’s kind of what this feels like. There’s too much to say.
To begin with, I’m over my post partum mood disorder(s). OVER IT. That does not mean I’m, say, RELAXED about life. But my big, crazy thing is gone. Looking back on the whole ordeal is a bit surreal. Of course I couldn’t see it for what it was in the thick of it. But now… Well, I’m AWESTRUCK by the power of the brain. The realization that I do not have full control of my mind is incredibly terrifying, humbling and magnificent.
Of course, the whole experience completely changed me. And I mean that genuinely. Not in a cliché, floofy writing kind of way. Yes, becoming a parent changed me. But the extra side of crazy that came along with my transition to parenthood changed me about 1000 times more. In a good way. I’m more compassionate, empathetic, accepting and brave. I feel good about who I’ve become.
I’ve been working since July. At a job that pays me that is. And I like it. It’s not perfect. But no job is, and for the most part I’m happy with it. I actually like working quite a bit more now than I did before Ruby was born. For a lot of reasons I think. It’s a break. Something different than watching an infant. A good balance. My expectations are more realistic, and (remember that part about how) I’m different. The new me is working better for me at work.
And little Ruby is growing. Hard to believe, right? She’s 20 months now and becoming more of a person every day. She’s SO MUCH COOLER now than when she was a little baby. She’s learning to talk, and it’s my favorite part of parenting so far. Just the other day she said:
Mommy. I love you. Thanks for all your hard work.
No. She definitely did not say that. But she does say, “Mommy poopy too.” ALL. THE. TIME.