Poop on potty… training

public-restroom

Ruby turns three next Wednesday and her birthday is hanging over my head like a big, gray cloud. Not because I’m sad she’s getting older. Please, not AT ALL that. And not because I feel guilty that her friends from daycare will celebrate their birthdays with clowns and petting zoos, while Ruby doesn’t… have a party. It’s this:

POTTY TRAINING.

I don’t wanna do it! Everyone tells you to wait until they’re ready. Ruby is probably ready. But what about ME? I’m not ready!

Supposedly I’m going to love it once she’s potty trained. Well, I’m not buying it. Diapers are so convenient. Ruby will sit in a wet diaper for forever. It doesn’t bother her. And she will only poop at home. So we rarely change it while we’re out. (Stop judging me.) I *think* I have a diaper or two in my car, but they have to be two sizes too small by now. It’s been like 50 years since I carried any diapering materials around with me.

So what exactly am I going to love about her being potty trained? Quality time spent in public restrooms? Holding her over the toilet so she doesn’t either fall in and drown or catch E. coli? Finding those germs, uh, I mean gems at the drop of hat? Changing her spoiled clothes after she has those inevitable accidents?

And let’s not overlook the potty training itself. I don’t have time for that! She’s at daycare during the week. Weekends are full of exciting activities like laundry, grocery shopping and other errands. Or we try and get out and do something fun. (<- Just trying to keep it real here.)

Quite frankly, I think this whole potty training business is overrated. In fact, I might start wearing diapers myself.

Photo Credit: Seoul World Cup Park by dom brassey draws comics is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0

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6 thoughts on “Poop on potty… training

  1. You know how in TV shows spies seem to know the way out of any particular room or building, and always have their eye on the exits? You will be like that, but with bathrooms. Like, strolling First St. you’ll think “OK, if she says she has to go right now, where would we go? Where is the closest one?” But the up side is that you’ll probably have a lot of deep conversations while waiting for her to go, since they sit there forever at first.

    • I should be appreciating the humor in this comment more… mostly I’m just feeling massively guilty that you’re clearly BEATING me at potty training. Aaaahhh!! Ha!

      We have done SOME things. Enough that I know sometimes Ruby likes to stay on the potty for like an hour. Literally. I’m having a hard time appreciating that too…

  2. Dude, I. Feel. You. Everything you said is 100% spot on. There is nothing good about potty training. My only tip is that you should carry a portable training potty in your car until she’s 10 so you can try and avoid public bathrooms at all costs.

  3. I don’t remember that I *loved* potty training, but I will tell you that it’s not so bad. Like all of the stages they go through, it’s the “going through” that’s painful, and then once you’re on the other side, it’s your new normal and everything is fine. I seem to recall that once they got the hang of things, they also figured out how to hold it for awhile, too, so it wasn’t all potties all the time.

    • Yes, I suppose that when she’s say… 8, I’ll be glad we decided to potty train. Ha! Seriously though, I’m sure you’re right. I just need to dedicate some time to buckle down and get it done.

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