Ruby turns three next Wednesday and her birthday is hanging over my head like a big, gray cloud. Not because I’m sad she’s getting older. Please, not AT ALL that. And not because I feel guilty that her friends from daycare will celebrate their birthdays with clowns and petting zoos, while Ruby doesn’t… have a party. It’s this:
I don’t wanna do it! Everyone tells you to wait until they’re ready. Ruby is probably ready. But what about ME? I’m not ready!
Supposedly I’m going to love it once she’s potty trained. Well, I’m not buying it. Diapers are so convenient. Ruby will sit in a wet diaper for forever. It doesn’t bother her. And she will only poop at home. So we rarely change it while we’re out. (Stop judging me.) I *think* I have a diaper or two in my car, but they have to be two sizes too small by now. It’s been like 50 years since I carried any diapering materials around with me.
So what exactly am I going to love about her being potty trained? Quality time spent in public restrooms? Holding her over the toilet so she doesn’t either fall in and drown or catch E. coli? Finding those germs, uh, I mean gems at the drop of hat? Changing her spoiled clothes after she has those inevitable accidents?
And let’s not overlook the potty training itself. I don’t have time for that! She’s at daycare during the week. Weekends are full of exciting activities like laundry, grocery shopping and other errands. Or we try and get out and do something
fun. (<- Just trying to keep it real here.)
Quite frankly, I think this whole potty training business is overrated. In fact, I might start wearing diapers myself.