Please keep right on lying about my weight

I’m feeling rather huge these days. Rationally I know my weight is within reason. But I’m not, let’s just say, feeling like I’m radiating the beauty of the miracle of life. I’m not embracing my curves. My brain understands this is part of the process. But in my heart, the place where it matters, I mostly just feel fat. I’m not supposed to feel that way, and I’m definitely not supposed to say that out loud. Yet there it is.

I had a doctor’s appointment the other day and her comments on my weight were as ambiguous as they typically are. It went something like this.

Doctor: So you’ve gained 90* lbs. That’s great! That’s really great! Your weight looks great!

(Stuff unrelated to my weight gain)

Doctor: You must be feeling really uncomfortable.

Me: Yes, I feel pretty huge.

Doctor: I can imagine. Well, that might just be what your body needs to support your pregnancy.

(Stuff unrelated to my weight gain)

Doctor: Well, hopefully you don’t gain anymore weight. (Awkward pause.) So you’re not too uncomfortable.

Me: Yes, well… that would be nice. Yet my weight gain seems to be following quite the linear trajectory**. You think it’s okay?

Doctor: Yes, yes. Your body knows what it needs… How’s your diet?

That is when I lied.

Me: Good.

I didn’t mention the cake and the cookies, the ice cream and Cadbury cream eggs, the potato chips or the caffeinated diet soda. After my appointment I picked up a Five Guys hamburger and fries. So while I feel fat, I am completely unmotivated to do anything about it. Apparently.

I keep telling myself I’ll clean up my eating after the baby is born. You know, because it will be so easy then. In the meantime, words cannot express how enthusiastically grateful I am for all the people telling me I’m carrying “out front” or that I’m “all belly”. Please, keep up these lies. You know I’m not above it.

*This is an exaggeration.

**Yes, I actually used the phrase linear trajectory. And still my doctor refuses to have a data based conversation with me about my due date.

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11 thoughts on “Please keep right on lying about my weight

  1. Not sure if it makes you feel any better, but my pregnancy eating habits are exactly like yours. (You are making ME feel better at least!) Remember the ridiculous amount of Mexican food I ate with Beckett – you all thought I was going to name him Burrito! From the FB pics, I really do you think look fantastic and you really are all belly!!

    • That does make me feel better! I feel like I’m supposed to be eating BETTER… you know for the baby’s development blah blah blah. But I’m definitely eating way WORSE. And thank you for the belly comment! I’m definitely NOT all belly, but I like to hear the lies! Ha!

    • They’re pretty awesome. My husband eats like 5 a day during the Easter season. It’s a good thing they’re only around once a year!

  2. I totally use pregnancy as an excuse to not really care about what I’m eating. And I refuse to commit to healthy eating as long as I have a baby who doesn’t sleep through the night. Because even though it seems like forever, it’s really just a blip in the scheme of things! So I vote have the cake, and the cookies, and the cadbury eggs (this year I discovered they make chocolate filled eggs. DELICIOUS.) Even the fact that you’re worried about it means you are probably doing better than you think you are.

    Also, I would like to tell you how great you look (and I’m sure you do!) but I’m gonna need you to post a picture so I can see. Or send me a plane ticket and I’ll come on over and tell you in person.

    • Well, clearly I am also using pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever the hell I want. Not totally sure when I’ll clean it up after birth… Not like the next day, that’s for sure. We’ll see, I guess. And you’ll see me when you come over to watch Ruby when I go into labor, right?

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