It’s the evening of Whole30 Day 5. Both kids are finally in bed, and I’m sitting down with a cup of tea, which is a lame substitute for a glass of wine, or a piece of cake, or a bowl of popcorn, or really anything. This week has been hard. And it’s not even over yet.
It’s been hard in both expected and unexpected ways. Cooking was an expected challenge. Friends, I bit off way more than I could chew. Not literally. (That is important to clarify since this is a post about food.) I plan to scale as way back as I can on the cooking front next week. There’s no way I can keep this up once Jason’s back at work.
Yes, Jason was on vacation this week. It was helpful to have an extra set of hands in midst of all the cooking, but it also sort of ruined the vacation. Jason unexpectedly agreed to do the Whole30 with me and it, also unexpectedly, hit him hard. He definitely went through the predicted “hangover” and “kill all the things” phases. I usually get to be the emotional, high-maintenance partner, so the first few days really threw me. I realized how much I rely on him to balance me out.
He’s also having a hard time liking the food… I’m spending crazy amounts of time cooking! He doesn’t want to eat the same thing everyday, but he’s also not a huge fan of leftovers. Eggs for breakfast are a horrendous idea. Fish is also bad. Fish as leftovers…
Me: I’ll just eat the leftover salmon for lunch.
Jason: (Makes face of disgust)
Me: What? Even I’m not allowed to eat leftover fish now?
Jason: No. I don’t want anyone to eat salmon. I don’t want salmon to exist right now.
You guys, I already have one toddler to feed.
I didn’t have the drastic reaction Jason did and sort of silently gloated the first couple days. I did feel very hungry. I’m convinced this was related to sugar withdrawal and not because I wasn’t eating enough. I increased my protein and fat consumption, but not by much and the never-ending hunger has subsided. I haven’t had any intense cravings either. Definitely more than a few passing thoughts, but that’s how I would describe them.
What I’m really struggling with at this point is anxiety. Some of my GI symptoms seem better, but others are noticeably worse. The rational part of my brain says this is because I changed my diet and I’m eating a lot more insoluble fiber. The much larger part of my brain is, well, freaking out. I took my last dose of antibiotics this morning, and I’m desperately hoping this will help. I’ve been clinging to the theory that I will feel normal once the bacteria in my gut can rebalance (off antibiotics). I don’t know what I’ll do if it gets worse. Probably lose my mind.
Sometimes when Ruby’s upset she’ll say, “I’m just having a little rough time.” I feel ya girl.