What a body can take

It’s 1:30 am. I can’t sleep. My sickness (that I won’t describe) woke me and then Ruby called. And then Ruby called again. And I’m noticing that my breast is hurting more and more. I’m worried this is another breast infection. And I really don’t want another breast infection because I am already, currently, sick for the third time in three weeks. I don’t need a fourth.

I’ve really been trying to be optimistic these last couple days. To remind myself of things I should be grateful for. At least Ollie’s not sick. Or Ruby. Or Jason or my mom. At least my mom is still here to help. At least I don’t feel nauseated. At least I’ve been able to keep my fever down with Tylenol. At least we have good health insurance. At least my milk supply hasn’t dropped off as it could with sickness. At least it’s the weekend now and Jason is home.

Still, I’m not grateful for this sickness. I can’t stop fantasizing about running off to a hotel by myself. I miss the days when sick meant lots of sleep and lying on the couch watching TV. I want to rest. Without having to wake multiple times in the night to breastfeed. Without having to breastfeed at all. Without a toddler tantruming, or touching me or, really, talking at all. I just want to rest. PRIVATELY.

I need to rest. And I can’t sleep. Here I am, all alone in my silent living room writing this blog post. Oh the irony. I thought it fitting that I take care of one to-do while up with my, apparently, deteriorating body.


I have no idea how I will make this happen if I get in. But I do know this is the first step.


Unhappy new year

“YES!! I CAN HEAR YOU!! WHY CAN’T YOU HEAR ME???” I yelled this into the phone. Loudly. And, yes of course, I started to cry. I didn’t understand how this was happening. I had used the land line. The phone we have only for emergencies. You know, so we don’t have to worry about cell phone reception.

“Ms. Ratherthecouch, can you hear me? I’m going to hang up now and try calling you back.” This wasn’t happening. The phone number on file was my husband’s cell and HE WAS AT WORK.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. The new year didn’t start with a call to the pediatric advice nurse. I was actually calling about myself when I phoned Kaiser at 7:30 am on January 1, 2013. And since it was a holiday, I got to wait for nearly an hour and a half in the pharmacy with a fever and a baby (BECAUSE JASON WAS AT WORK) for my breast infection medication.

Now let’s talk numbers:

1/10/13 – My last day on antibiotics.

1/11/13 – The first day we skipped a play date because Ruby’s cold was too bad.

1/13/13 – The day JASON moved into his office AT WORK.

1/15/13 – The day I first came down with the flu. Embarrassing things went down on this day. Things I am too ashamed to write about. But if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile (and are familiar with my biggest challenge during a long run) you just might be able to figure it out. Fortunately, Jason was at home and awake for half of the day.

1/16/13 – The day Ruby’s fever spiked to 102 F.

1/17/13 – The day we (and by “we” I mean me, because JASON WAS AT WORK) found out Ruby had an ear infection.

1/18/13 – The day my inability to absorb nutrients caught up to me. The day my milk supply started to drop off, along with Ruby’s wet diapers. The day I got another plugged duct.

1/19/13 – And, just in time, I finally got over the flu.

1/20/13 – The day the old hip injury flared up. SOMEHOW. Even though I hadn’t even been running, this was the worst flare I’ve had since I pulled the muscle in 2007. I could barely walk. I couldn’t roll over in bed or pick up Ruby. I couldn’t pick up Ruby, and JASON WAS AT WORK.

1/22/13 – Ruby’s 6th day (of the prescribed 10) on antibiotics…

It was about 10:30 at night. I had just laid down in bed and opened my book. I was going to read a few pages before going to sleep. I couldn’t have read more than three words before I heard Ruby throwing up over the monitor.

So I got up. I did it. I went through the motions. I cleaned the floor and changed the sheets with a baby on my hip (the good hip) BECAUSE JASON WAS AT WORK. I rinsed out all our soiled clothes and threw them in the wash. Ruby and I sat down in our diaper and bra, respectively, and called the advice nurse.

I used the land line. The one we have just for emergencies. So we don’t have to worry about cell phone reception. And for a little while it worked. It wasn’t until after Ruby started throwing up again, this time down my bra, that we lost the connection.

And there we were. The advice nurse repeating, “Ms. Ratherthecouch? Ms. Ratherthecouch, can you hear me?” Ruby periodically taking a break from crying to eat a vomit chunk. And me. Screaming into the phone.

Friends, I thought this was the low. It wasn’t. More screaming went down this Saturday, 1/26/13. Only this time it was directed at Ruby.

But, again, I’m getting ahead of myself. Ruby threw up two more times after I got off the phone with the advice nurse Tuesday night. Then she threw up Wednesday night, and Thursday night. Multiple times. And all the while, JASON WAS AT WORK.

But then Friday came along and Jason was finally at home. So when Ruby threw up again Friday night it was okay, because I had help. Except for then the help started throwing up. AND THEN I STARTED THROWING UP.

So by the time Saturday morning came along, I was spent. I had the flu for the second time in less than two weeks. When I went to change Ruby’s diaper I found three things: diarrhea and two remaining wipes. OH MY GOD!!! WE WERE OUT OF WIPES! And Ruby would NOT. STOP. KICKING. So I yelled at her. I told her to stop. As if she were capable of following directions.

She didn’t cry, but I did. And we’re all still sick.