Let’s discuss health and fitness for a moment. Oh boy. My health… sucks. There’s really no other way to put it.
First there was that nasty breast infection that lasted for freaking ever because the first antibiotic I was prescribed didn’t work. On the last day of the antibiotics a cold kicked in. Complete with fever. The stomach bug came along about a week later, while still blowing my nose infinity times a day.
It’s been over a week of this crap (no pun intended). I just found out this morning that this stomach bug is related to the breast infection antibiotics and not a virus. So today is day one of FORTY-TWO days on another antibiotic. I sent a note to my doctor… Part of me hopes the 42 days was a miscommunication between her and the pharmacy. The other part feels uncomfortable that there could be such a miscommunication.
The only sort of twisted silver lining of this thundercloud is that I have lost some weight. That was losable. So far I’ve lost about 28 lbs of the roughly 40 lbs I gained while pregnant with Ollie. I suspect it will take a long time to lose the remaining 12 lbs, and I’m okay with that… Who am I kidding? I want it off NOW. But my health comes first and I know it will take awhile if I do it the right way.
You know, through diet and exercise. Oh exercise. This sickness has really put a damper on the exercise. I’m still getting out there, but I’ve had to slow down and stop and back track and, well, it’s just been discouraging. I feel soft and heavy and out of shape and like there’s nothing I can do about it. I know. I know. I just had a baby. I’m small to begin with so I know I don’t look like all these things to the average bystander. But that’s how I feel.
I also feel pain when I breathe deeply, cough, laugh, turn my body and lie down. Among other basic movements of life. This is because I now also have what is most likely an intercostal rib muscle strain, what I’m told is basically a pulled rib muscle.
In summary? I’m falling apart.
I’m trying to keep perspective. I’m trying to look at this like the before picture. I hope to look back on this a year from now and marvel at how much stronger and healthier I am. I’m trying to see this as a lesson to appreciate the good health I have the privilege of taking advantage of. My tummy troubles are temporary and peanuts compared to what my good friend with Crohn’s disease has to deal with.
So I’m trying. It sucks. And there you have it.
It’s 1:30 am. I can’t sleep. My sickness (that I won’t describe) woke me and then Ruby called. And then Ruby called again. And I’m noticing that my breast is hurting more and more. I’m worried this is another breast infection. And I really don’t want another breast infection because I am already, currently, sick for the third time in three weeks. I don’t need a fourth.
I’ve really been trying to be optimistic these last couple days. To remind myself of things I should be grateful for. At least Ollie’s not sick. Or Ruby. Or Jason or my mom. At least my mom is still here to help. At least I don’t feel nauseated. At least I’ve been able to keep my fever down with Tylenol. At least we have good health insurance. At least my milk supply hasn’t dropped off as it could with sickness. At least it’s the weekend now and Jason is home.
Still, I’m not grateful for this sickness. I can’t stop fantasizing about running off to a hotel by myself. I miss the days when sick meant lots of sleep and lying on the couch watching TV. I want to rest. Without having to wake multiple times in the night to breastfeed. Without having to breastfeed at all. Without a toddler tantruming, or touching me or, really, talking at all. I just want to rest. PRIVATELY.
I need to rest. And I can’t sleep. Here I am, all alone in my silent living room writing this blog post. Oh the irony. I thought it fitting that I take care of one to-do while up with my, apparently, deteriorating body.
I have no idea how I will make this happen if I get in. But I do know this is the first step.
As mentioned, I’ve been struggling with writing song lyrics. I’ve also been reading the occasional excerpt from Shel Silverstein’s Where the Sidewalk Ends aloud to Ruby. Therefore, one plus one equals:
Well, this week’s been the shits.
In more ways than one.
First I got the stomach flu.
Of course, that was no fun.
Been dragging my sick ass
To work with a headache
Other fine symptoms
Can’t a girl catch a break?
Still my list keeps on growing
I’m so overwhelmed.
In work, in life…
What rhymes here? Realm?
Did I mention I’m pregnant?
That’s going just fine.
But worthy of mentioning
At least one time.
And people keep pissing me off.
Yes, it’s true.
I could be less tolerant.
Stressed out, with the flu…
Ruby’s been complaining,
“Mommy, don’t leave me!”
In the mornings before daycare.
And I’m feeling so guilty
That all my attention’s
Been spent on the couch.
And Jason’s been slave to
A toddler AND grouch.
As if that weren’t enough,
A surprise hospital stay
In a far away state.
Dad’s surgery: Thursday.